He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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