She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
