i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
