you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
