dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
