he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize