I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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