i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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