You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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