I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
