He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
