i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
