I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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