a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
