I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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