I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
