Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
