And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
