My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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