Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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