508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
