The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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