what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
