and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
