hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
