theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
