just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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