Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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