Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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