Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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