Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
