at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
