i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
