I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
