Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
