i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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