a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
