When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
