i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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