$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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