if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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