These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
