I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I could fuck to npr.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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