You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
