I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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