i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
