u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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