I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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