How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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