I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
