found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
