I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
