I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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