I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
