She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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