You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
