Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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