If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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