Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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