yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
