no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pants are for mortals
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
