The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
