You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
