Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We have started to decorate penises.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
