So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
