I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
