Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
